November..

I haven’t posted in a while, i’ve been trying to focus on my social life, or lack thereof I guess.
With the unpredictability of my illness its easy to fall into the trap of doing nothing. You don’t know when you’ll be feeling better and when you’ll be feeling terrible so you don’t plan anything. It works, you know. It’s easy to get into the routine- and in the long run, with M.E. at least, its probably the easiest way to feel as well as you can feel. You stay in the neutral zone, and sure it’s not great but its miles better than what it could be. Miles better than it has been in the past.

I used to have a friend and out of the two of us she was the sensible one. Always using mobility aids when needed, never overdoing it and taking medication like clockwork. Compared to her I was reckless, almost the complete opposite. #yolo #tfwyoucauseyourownrelapsesbcyoureirresponsible
Its tiring, its exhausting to exist and its so much easier to just play it safe and do nothing and over the years I realised that she probably had it all figured out.

However the isolation, the loneliness that comes with keeping yourself to yourself and never planning anything or I guess, the people cutting you out of their lives because you’ve cancelled last minute one too many times on them, gets really painful.
Its all good and well staying within your limits, but when you rarely have good days, days when you can do a little something and have a small chance of not feeling terrible the next day. When those days only happen once in a blue moon you (well, I) start wondering if maybe going all out and doing one thing you enjoy every few weeks is better than doing nothing at all.

and that’s what i’ve been trying.

It’s exhausting though. I truly admire people who can get dressed every day, socialise, work or go to school or both and then those who can run a blog on top of that? I can’t even imagine. You are doing amazingly. Be proud of yourself.
In the past two months I’ve done almost as many things as I have fingers and I’m exhausted and unwell and frustrated (at myself mostly) but somehow its worth it. Well, at least 58% worth it.

I don’t really know what the point of this post is.


H

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4 Comments

  1. November 23, 2015 / 6:52 pm

    Oh hun this breaks my heart reading this, I cut myself off a lot and find that I lose a lot of friends and find it hard to sort of get back into life you know? You can message/chat to me whenever you need/want <3 xxx

    • December 18, 2015 / 11:39 pm

      is it, thanks, i'll remember that! ♡

  2. November 23, 2015 / 8:20 pm

    Oh sweetie… I feel so sad reading this post! ;_; Let me know if there's anything I can do to help!

    • December 18, 2015 / 11:40 pm

      thankyou lovely ♡

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